Just because you're paranoid, does it mean your fears are unjustified?

It's 7:30am on a weekday morning.  I've had a bad dream that somebody I know has died.  I don't have their mobile number but I do have their [employed] SO's.  Is it rude to send a message asking how the two of them are [not realising until after pressing 'send' what the time is] even though if they are not up yet the very soon will/should be?  Is it wrong to be paranoid when you don't get any response at all?  Is it lack-witted to be paranoid at all when you haven't heard from either party in quiet some time?


I think I'm pretty safe in saying I'm not currently pre-menstral seeing as how my period started yesterday.  Sure, it's been a sod of a week, starting with 'gastro' on Sunday that went through to all Monday, a day to sort of recover from that only to be hit with a whole different set of cramps - not great at all!  Even getting below 65kg for the first time in I don't know how long isn't really cheering because weight lost due to illness is the fastest to pile back on again [in my general experience].  But I am feeling so down right now it isn't funny, especially considering that it's been two weeks since my GP doubled the dosage of my current anti-depressants.  It just hit me me, smack, right out of left field and has me feeling, even more than usual [and that's saying something], unloved, unwanted, uncared for, disliked, despised, ignored, ignorable, wretched, worthless and in general a burden upon any/all who know me.  I so want to binge right now but it would mean leaving the house to buy something and I can't even be bothered to do that. 

I've even had to cut my own hair because if I can't afford to have even the el-cheapo places wash it, I sure can't afford for them to trim it [let alone be able to afford to have someone like Alan do it] and the split ends were getting too bad.

Do you know what would be nice?  Having a family or someone that [semi]regularly gives one gifts.  One of the b*****s of being alone is a distinct lack of this. Grumble over.

Had a burst of writing hit me mid-October so have hidden it behind a cut.  Much strangness was encountered in my brain but it may amuse.

Oh, and I've changed my profile page a little.

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So much for getting into a better rhythm of journalling!

Had two of my weird dreams the other day, one straight after the other. The first had to do with some sort of underground bunker and an attack of some sort of bio(?) weapon on the people above.
The second was much more interesting to me in that, for the second time I can think of, I have dreamed of a 'performance' costume that is perfectly viable. This one is even less complex than the previous as it involves constructing a 'web' that then goes on to become another costume. The first part has the 'thread' that will become the second costume intricately wrapped around the 'weaver'. In theory, once the second costume has been constructed, it could fairly easily be deconstructed back again. The only 'props' needed would be two poles on which to create the 'web'. It looked good in the dream.

I've actually had more dreams than that but they stood out the most. In fact, since I updated last, I haven't been out of bed much, let alone out of the house. A couple of headaches can take part of the blame. Eye strain can give me some very nasty 'migraine-like' heads but they haven't quite got that bad yet. They are enough to convince me to get my eyes checked again however, not for the usual degradation of my myopia condition - that seemed to have finally levelled off a few years ago. This time it is my near sight that seems to be the problem.

Like all kittens, Bert's little sister can be soo silly at times. Take this morning for example. After filling the washing machine, I went outside and moved the bird feeder [having previously noted that it is now in perpetual shade]. Little Miss was in one of her favourite places in our yard, the wood store in back of the garage. We said good morning and I even got a nice purr out of her but, as usual, she declined cuddles being even less inclined towards being held than Bert is. I came back in and then returned to the outside world to hang the laundry. The little Miss reappeared and was chasing whatever it is that she chases when she went to change location and discovered the bird feeder. Her back pedal and dance of suspicion were very cute. As I shifted my footing to hang something else, she dashed off after a new discovery. This time I could easily see her prey. My peg bag is an old, small beauty case with the mirror still intact within the lid. Yep, the mirror had caught the sun and was making light patches for one fluffy kitten. As I went to come back in, she decided to follow me for a bit and when she was within range, I swooped and picked her up for another quick cuddle. Again, after a few seconds, she decided she wanted down, at least she did until she realised that from her new vantage spot she could see more and thus distracted herself into staying in my hands for just a little bit longer.

Lists

So, last week, the night before I went to see my new counsellor for the first time, I got it into my mind to make up a list of all the major stress factors that had touched my life - i.e. deaths, illnesses, disasters - natural or otherwise, moving house, changing schools. As expected, the total of house moves [not counting the time in Europe] is exactly the same as the number of years I have lived. What did surprise me was how few the number of years when something major didn't happen to me - or at least nothing that I can remember. My counsellor suggested that I try to make a similar list of great/good things that happened to counter the first one. I shall go and do this in a minute but I just had a sudden realisation. With the exception of parties held by my mum, and mostly for both my brother and me [our birthdays being just three days apart], I have only ever had one birthday party 'thrown' for me - my 21st. ozgenre was at that one and can attest to my almost walking out of it.